Magic…

Magic lies in the littlest things. Sometimes, when people think of magic, they think of great feats and tricks; tricks such as sawing a woman in half, making an elephant disappear, or even something tricky like guessing which card you pulled from a deck. However, for me, this isn’t what magic really is.

Maybe, some of you have heard my lecture regarding what magic is. For clarification, I’ve gotten what I know regarding magic from different sources, mainly comics and literature. Comics, such as Books of Magic, which stars Tim Hunter (please see previous post), and other great occultists in the past such as Aleister Crowley. As I have said before, magic can be seen as language. Language is very complex. Usually, when one talks about language, one thinks of words, grammar, etc. however, there is a mystical side to it. Take for example, a person from another country. You can’t really understand what he/she is telling you, however you get the gist of what they’re telling you by the tone, facial expressions and even hand gestures. You get the feel of what they’re saying just by hearing and seeing them. This can be related to magic because of the fact that meaning goes beyond language and words itself; try watching a foreign film without any subtitles and you’d be surprised that you’d more or less catch the story.

Another way how language could be seen as magic is through words. Words are very powerful things. A single word could brighten your darkest night, or darken your brightest day. With a single word, civilizations may flourish, or empires could fall. With a single word, you may give life or even, take it away. People underestimate the strength a single word may carry. Some examples of strong/powerful words could be God, Life, Death and even Love. However, these are pretty obvious choices. Some less obvious words could be Hi, Goodbye, Thanks, Please and so on and so forth. Every single word has in itself strength, proportional to its use and context, whether directly or indirectly proportional depends on the situation I believe.

Another way which words can be seen as magic is through one’s name. One rule of magic, as learned in my readings is that one should never reveal one’s name unless one absolutely trusts who he/she is giving their name to. The reason for this is because your name could be used against you…they say…if your enemy finds out what your name is…he or she could undo and even destroy you. In a more practical point of view, this could be seen as when your enemy could spread terrible rumors about you, thus destroying who you are as an individual (the loss of identity/the corruption of your self). If a bad rumor about you spreads, certain biases and prejudices may rise against you…thus in a symbolic kind of way…destroy you.

Names have another aspect in which they could be powerful. Imagine that your whole being, your whole self…relied on your name. Imagine…if you were given a different name, would you be the exact same person you are now? Who you are could be traced back to your name. If a man named Michel Dominique was named Michael Dominic instead…would he have had the same number of friends? Would he have had hung out with the same number of people? Would he even look the same? Would he be the same person you know and probably love? Would he still be Michel Dominique…or someone entirely different…a man named Michael Dominic?

The reason for my whole argument regarding Language and Magic was something I had to do. And that something was to prove that magic does exist. In the first part of this article, I have shown you a more practical view of magic, however…in this next part, I shall be showing a more mystical side to it, however by still explaining it through practical terms.

As the first paragraph said, people usually think of magic as something major…parting a sea, coming back from the dead, staying in a block of ice for over a month…however this isn’t what magic really is.

Magic is in the little things.

You’ve probably experienced sitting on a bench amidst the blistering heat of summer…whistling loud to get a breeze…and out of nowhere, a cold gust of wind blows refreshing you. People don’t understand why a wind comes if you whistle…one possible explanation for this is magic.

You see, magic addresses specific needs…however these needs aren’t or...shouldn’t be anything too big for it to work. It shouldn’t be something like making it snow, during the summer to keep cool, rather focusing on yourself and making yourself cool…which could be seen or refuted as mind over matter.

If I told you that I was thirsty, would you conjure up a river for me? Or just come up with a simple glass of water? In this argument, the latter would be most ideal and easiest to do. That is how magic works…magic shouldn’t be complex and difficult…but rather simple and easy. With regards to magic…simple is better.

You’ve been doing magic for the longest time; however you may not be aware of it. I bet that there was one time where you saw a friend of yours distraught and depressed over something you’re unaware of…however by placing you hand on his back…you’ve made him/her feel better, just like that *snap*. You could say you were comforting that friend…but wouldn’t it be impossible to say that, that was magic? That by your placing your hand of your friend’s back…you took away his fear, his sadness and replaced it with calm and joy?

You see...magic is very simple when you think about it. It doesn't necesarilly have anything to do with incantations, or magic spells. No sacrifices or pentagrams or summoning up demons. Magic answers a specific need. The greater the need...the more magic you'd have to use. Such as the examples I gave above, the simpler the need is, the easier it is to do magic. However, as said in my previous post...magic has a price. And to be able to do magic...you have to be aware that there is a price to pay...much like everything in this world.

You see, this whole post, and your reading it...you could say is magic. A form of magic that I just did. However, nothing special. No using of magic words or subliminal messages that I've imbeded into the text. But something simple and divine.

Magic is all around you…magic is in the little things. Probably, due to our living in a highly scientific based society, people don’t believe in magic anymore. But, believe me…magic is real. All you have to do is open your eyes. *Abracadabra* and the world would look a tad different now…because wonder has returned to your life. Open your eyes…and see the world of magic which is around you.

What did I do with the magic spell in this text? Well...if you haven't realized it by now...I just opened your eyes to a new world...where anything and everything is possible. I planted the seed of wonder which was lost to you. But what of the price? Well...you could say, I am...or will be paying for it...sooner or later.

*Poof* It's done.

For every action...

Every great magic trick consists of three acts. The first act is called "The Pledge"; the magician shows you something ordinary, but of course... it probably isn't. The second act is called "The Turn"; the magician makes his ordinary some thing do something extraordinary. Now if you're looking for the secret... you won't find it, that's why there's a third act called, "The Prestige"; this is the part with the twists and turns, where lives hang in the balance, and you see something shocking you've never seen before.

As some of you may tell, I just watched the movie "The Prestige". It was a pretty cool movie, at that...but what caught my attention....wasn't the twists and turns, nor the different magic tricks that the two magicians did...however, what caught my attention was the term sacrifice.

Both magicians, Rupert Angier and Alfred Borden both lost almost everything in their quest for the best illusion. *SPOILER WARNING* They both lost loved ones, friends, family...and even themselves. They lived lives of obsession, of deceit, and of treachery, for the sake of coming out on top.

I've done a lot of reading...I've read books, comics, and for some reason...people who dwell in magic, both real and not always loose something in the process. Take for example, Merlin...teacher of King Arthur who in turn lost his life because of Magic. However, that may be obscure in a sense. Two more...closer to heart characters come to mind. First of is John Constantine, who most of you know was played by Keanu Reeves in the movie "Constantine" or to those, bigger fans...the main character in the Vertigo Comics Series "Hellblazer". John Constantine has also lost a lot due to magic. girlfriends, family, friends, co-workers all died. John blames himself for their deaths...because he knows that with Magic, comes a price...a price that he believes he pays for over and over and over again. Take for example in the movie. John Constantine looses the only 2 friends he has in the world Chas and Beeman (no...I’m not that big of a fan of the movie..I checked it at IMDB here) because of Magic. In the comics version, he looses his whole gang of friends, a lot of girlfriends (ex or not) and even his remaining family (his sister). And this is one lesson he learned the hard way; magic always comes at a price. This lesson was then in turn what he taught a young Timothy Hunter.

Timothy Hunter is another character in the Vertigo Comics Universe. He's the main character of another series entitled "The Books of Magic" initially created by Neil Gaiman. Here's a bit of back story. Tim was a young boy…who was approached by 4 men, all dressed in Trench coats. He was told that he was the most promising magician of his generation, and probably the greatest magician ever...basically Merlin reborn. For him to better understand the world of Magic, these 4 (The Phantom Stranger, Dr. Occult, John Constantine and Mister E) toured young Tim Hunter through the world of Magic. The Phantom Stranger toured Tim through Magic's past; Dr. Occult toured Tim of the different worlds of Magic; John Constantine toured Tim through Magic's present and finally; Mister E toured Tim through Magic's future and inevitably Magic's end. One thing, highly emphasized by John Constantine was that Magic always has a price. And to be able to do magic, one should be willing to pay the cost. Again, being a stubborn young man, Tim did not heed John's words and still played around with magic. And thus, learned that magic has a terrible price.

Tim lost his father (mother, died prior to the series) because of magic. He lost his first love, due to the fact that the girl kept on getting in over her head with regards to the different trials that Tim had to face. He also lost his friends, who were killed by his enemies, he practically lost everything. To escape the feeling of loosing anyone else, he then enters seclusion...and makes a world for himself to stay in (he's the greatest magician ever...he can do whatever he wants) and makes sure that his loved ones never die...but this was all a false utopia. In the end, he also lost that world...and realized that there was nothing else he could do, but live with the burden that he has...which is magic.

Okay, I bet you're lost now. You're probably thinking to yourself..."What the hell has this have to do with anything?!" Trust me, have I ever lead you a stray from whatever it is I'm talking about? I don't think so. But then again, you ask "But I don't do magic...what does this have to do with me?" My answer to that question: "Everything".

People seldom realize the consequences of their actions. Everything you do...has a consequence, an end result; either good or bad, you know about it or you don't. Not all results appear to us immediately. Some reveal themselves to us after days, weeks, months, even years. One thing you may have done during grade school, may probably affect something that's happening to you now. Everything we do, has a consequence. Everything we do is a result of something that happened prior, and will result in another thing happening in the future. There is a saying that says: "Men are defined by events that happened in their lives…” which in some cases may be true. Think back to one of your most vivid memories. Try imagining what would happen if that never occured. Maybe, you wouldn't meet your current loved one, maybe you wouldn't be who you are today. Who we are, can be defined by what happened to us in the past...which is logically sound because if there was no past, then there could be no present...and in turn bear no future.

We all pay the prices of our sins. We all pay the price for things that we've done in the past...both good and bad. Another term that comes to mind is Karma or the saying "What goes around, comes around." Or...for those of you who are religious...the afterlife Inferno, Purgatorio and Paradiso...where you end up, depends on your actions when you were alive.

Magic isn't the only thing that has a price. Everything has a price. From the internet you're using to read this entry...to the cellphone you use to check the time...or what you have up here (points to head). Everything has a price...depending on the object of discussion.

We all pay the price of living...both material, and not. We all have undergone trials...lost quite a number of things. We've all made sacrifices...

And as the title of this entry says...

"For every action...there is an equal and opposite reaction." - Newton's Third Law of Motion

Lonely Tree...In the Corner

Lonely tree, in the corner
Why...are you there?
Lonely tree, standing by my window
I see you, lonely as you seem.

I see you, standing in the corner
And people, just walk by...(ooohhh)
I see you, standing in the corner
And people...just walk by...

Lonely tree, when I see you.
Now that I see you, I cry.
Lonely tree, now that I see you,
Now that I see you, I cry.

Hoooooo...
Hoooooo...
Hoooooo...
I, cry....

The Lonely Side of Town...

I'm walking alone
with no direction
And since you packed up everything that you own
There's no hurry.

I'm walking alone,
Guess I'm gonna take the long way home
And I never should've tried to explain
I'm not sorry for holding you back.

Sorry for holding you back
As I meant what I said
And I figured you wouldn't react
And you waited so long
For the things that belong to you
Know that I don't have
A leg left to stand on
But winning you back
When the chips are all stacked
Up against me is what I do best.

I'm walking alone
Guess I'm gonna take the long way home
And I'll stop by to say hello
Pretend I really had to go

And all the final things
That money brings
Are yours to care for then
It's so lonely on the other side of town.

Hope?

As the light at the end of the tunnel begins to flicker,
And the you feel all sad and bitter;
Feeling like no one's there to hold your hand,
Like having only one pair of footprints in the sand.

The loss of hope is a bitter pain,
especially after all your dreams have been lain...
While everyone falters moving farther away
Like the sun gone on a clear morning day.

Losing hope,
Feeling like a dope;
Forgetting why
A dream, supposedly a reality may die.

When our time is up,
Will we just give up?
Putting all our trials past,
And get away from here fast.

Standing on the rooftops,
Waiting till the bomb drops,
Never gonna regret,
Watching every sunset,

Listening to every heartbeat
This is something we're going to beat.
We will make a mark,
We'll hit this ball out of the park.

Heaven...

This afternoon, I spent another hour in ADMU reading a book. I like going to school during Sundays...there's something different about it. It's something I can't really explain, but you just have to experience it to believe.

The whole emptiness of school during a Sunday, with the wind blowing and the trees swaying...seeing faces, you never really see when there are classes...the leaves all on the ground due to the winds and rains that have been happening a lot the past weeks. The whole solitude offered by the experience is...something unique I guess.

Anyway...I'm surprised how so much can happen in so little time. It was 5:50pm and I was ready to leave, but not after my last cig on campus. When I got to the smoking area, a girl was sitting there all alone. I dumped my book on the bench and had a cigarette ready and waiting in my mouth. I was fumbling around my pockets for my lighter. I shot a glance at the girl sitting across me...and she smiled. With the cig in my mouth, and my hands in my pockets...I tried as hard as I could to smile without letting my cig fall on the ground. She apparently found my struggle to be quite amusing since she laughed (though only a little bit). I lit my cigarette and sat down. She asked my name, and I replied…and she was surprised cause that was her nickname at home too...but she gave me the name her friends called her. She was an incoming senior coz she took an LOA for a semester last year...she was supposed to have graduated already but because of the Leave of Absence, she had to be held back a year. She asked me what book I was reading, and I gave her a rather...lengthy and non-entertaining synopsis. She seemed interested (I think...or she was giving me a hint of sorts...I dunno...) Then after, she asked me to read something that she wrote for a fiction writing class. It was entitled "Heaven" (yup...here's where I got the title for this post from). It was about this girl, who dies and meets God...or the voice of God at least...and the girl couldn't accept that she was dead and she was cursing at God coz of all the rotten things that happened to her life...but in the end, God reassured her that He/She did indeed love her...and the girl woke up.

Pretty good story actually...now that I think about it. She asked me what I thought, and I had to agree with the red marks all over the paper..."Too confrontational" well that was the only one I was able to read. I told her that...I didn't think that the whole screaming at God thing...was true...coz I always thought, when you meet God, you'd be speechless with awe while basking in all of His/Her glory. She said "true"...and I told her that to be honest, I didn't read "bestsellers" and stuff...that I read classic lit; gothic lit to be precise. I cracked a few jokes, but when 6pm came...I had to go home. I bid her farewell, and went on my way.

For those who know me...yes, I psycho-analyzed her. But no, I didn't do it on the way home...I did it while reading her story! A-HA! Elementary my dear Dr. Watson...The whole story was as I told her..."angsty" there was a lot of displaced emotion that was put into the text. She was probably the type of girl that showed that she was getting frustrated...she's rather transparent...you can see what she's feeling...she shows it...anytime, anywhere. She's outspoken and outgoing. She's a strong woman, willing to make the first move if she feels like it. She probably has a strong figure to look up to, whether her mom or dad, that I'm not sure of. I think she has had a lot of bad experiences when it comes to guys given by some things that I saw within the text. She probably has an external locus of control, not really accepting things to be of her own fault, but rather blaming them on outside circumstances. She's probably the type of girl who takes thing's seriously...sees things in black and white...I dunno. These are all first impressions given by her when I met her and from the text that she had written.

Funny how all of this happened in a span of 10 mins. Within those 10 minutes, I had a rough picture of what she was like...besides the whole first impressions thing. Funny how something that started with a smile, ended up with something like this. Funny how I can't really help myself but psycho-analyze someone I've met for the first time (well...if I’m sober, or...just up to it). Funny how, two complete strangers, finding themselves in the same situation, sitting in the smoking area in school, on a gloomy Sunday afternoon...can tear away the shyness and the awkwardness and just plain talk. Funny how, even though I may be attracted to her both for her personality, her looks, and more...that I may never see her again. Funny how if ever I do see her again, and she sees me...she may not even recognize me, or I her. Funny how the moments that we are given, every minute, every second something can happen, that may never repeat itself in the future. Funny how life plays with us...trying to see what we'd do, how we'd act given different situations.

Funny, isn't it?

Shit...

(Sorry to those who might be "grossed out by what I'm going to say in the first paragraph...)

Last week...after taking a crap, I peered into the toilet bowl. I got scared by what I saw...blood. I told my parents about it, and they said it might be nothing, but to tell them if it happens again. Earlier this afternoon...I took a crap again, and this time...there was more blood. It was the second time it happened, the first being last week. I told my mom first about it...and she was getting scared. I know...coz so was I. But...to keep up the facade that it might be nothing at all...I was laughing. After leaving their room...my mom called my dad who was watching TV downstairs...he ran up as fast as he could...and called me. My dad was talking about having me brought to the hospital this week for a colonoscopy. Then i was telling them that it may be just a wound or something...but my mom said...that it could be well...the big "c" (hyep...cancer).

I got scared...I had to get away. I just went off to ADMU and good thing, a friend was there...who just got back from Tagaytay. I was really going there to see her, but things turned a turn for the worst after what happened earlier. When i got there...I told her about it. She got mad at me (I understand why...) I mean...I didn't think about her at all...I just dumped everything on her...but she was a great help...trying to keep my mind off the whole thing. She stayed for only about 5 mins and asked me if I wanted to tag along with them to Starbucks...I replied no..and that I needed some time to clear my head and think...and think I did.

Ever since...I knew how and roughly when I'd die (Colon Cancer, between 75-80yrs) coz that's how most of the males in my mom's side of the family died. And almost everyone in my family would say...that I got most of my genes from my mom.

I never really thought about my death...since I knew it would be far from now...but the whole thing...gave me a new perspective on things. If ever this is colon cancer that I do have...I'd have a lot less time left. So now...I had to think. Think about my death....

I know, I know...some of you are yelling that there's a big chance that it's nothing. I know...but still...I have to come into grips with my death. I know that I will die sooner or later...(hopefully the latter). And that's the whole point of this...a venue for me to express my feelings and reflections on the matter at hand.

I have to accept the inevitability that I will die. Thus, in doing so, I recognize the potentialities of the whole thing. Being able to realize this, I can better manage my time and the way I do things. When I realize the potentialities that are brought about by my death...as Henry David Thoreau wrote in his book The Walden, "As I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." When I realize and come to grips with my doom, I will see things from another perspective. And as Brad Pitt said in the movie Troy "I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."

But...After all this thinking...I had to see an old friend. So I walked over to Gesu, sat down in one of the seats...and prayed. I asked God for strength...not for me...but for everyone else. Strength that I knew I had somewhere within...but a strength that not everyone can utilize. I knew my parents were scared...my female friend was too...and I knew that so was I. But after the whole praying and philosophizing...I wasn't as scared anymore...because to me, everything was becoming more beautiful...because I am doomed...and i know that I will never be lovlier than I am now...

Flagpole Sitter...

Okay, technically around 10:45-11:00pm last night (roughly a couple of hours ago) I had my first "lovers quarrel" technically...it wasn't a "lover's quarrel" since...we aren't lovers or anything...yet? I dunno...

Basically the gist of things, typical argument, boy meets girls, boy says something dumb, hurts girl's feelings...screaming and yelling and walk-outs over sms...it was ugly...I was scared shitless...believe me. (Okay, for those avid readers of my blog, I know you're thinking "OMG!! This isn't like Nikki! He's writing something about the day that he had!! He sold out! OMG!! Burn him at the stake!" trust me, like my earlier posts...this thing entails a sense of self discovery...so in the words of the numerous infomercial sales-folk out there "Just wait! There's more!") Anyhoo, she stopped being pissed at me at 2:00am, I know...What the hell did I do right? Long story...don't ask.

Okay, I had a point when I started this out...but...what was it? Damnit...wait... (enter long pause for reflection and occasional hitting of head on the wall)...I remember it had something to do with me, placing my self on a pedestal...wait...(more long pauses, and even more hitting of head against the wall)...OH! there got it!

I guess you're wondering why I chose to set up this post with the story of an argument I had with a lady friend I have...I guess it all comes down to me trying as hard as I can not to get into an argument with anyone. Well, not necesarily an argument, but basically just letting people down in general.

Basically, I had visions, I was in them, I was looking into the mirror to see a little bit clearer rottenness and evil in me. For the longest time, I've been distancing myself from people, well...not really distancing myself from them...nope, wrong terms. I'm afraid that a lot of people are becoming too dependent on me. A good friend once asked me why I was afraid of that, and that that is actually a good thing, giving me a sense of purpose and importance in life. I said that I was afraid because sooner or later I will let them down, one way or another. I reasoned that because of all the help that I've been giving people that subconsciously, they place me up on a pedestal. However, after that the events that transpired a while ago, and much reflection...it's not them that put me up on a pedestal, but rather it is I. (Okay...I know, all 2 of you who actually read this is probably going "Huh!?" right now, so let me rephrase that...i came to the conclusion that it isn't other people who are putting me up on a pedestal but rather, I'm the one that places myself up on a pedestal.)

I think too highly of myself. I put up high expectations for myself...some of which are impossible by normal human-kind standards. But those of you who know me...know that I am nothing but normal. But still...because of my expectations, and being up on a pedestal, a flagpole sitter if you will, once I mis-step I fall...(no, not the whole "I've fallen for you" type of fall...but more like plummet to your doom type of fall) and that probably explains my high internal locus of control (for those of you who haven't taken psych 101, its the term used to explain the state where if anything goes wrong, you explain it by using internal circumstances (e.g. I failed because I'm dumb).)

I know, I know...paranoia! Paranoia! Everybody's coming to get me...Just say you never met me. I'm running underground with the moles, digging holes...maybe this is all rantings coming from an insane person for all I know...and here I am again...drifting off topic...(Hello ADD!)

Maybe this whole fear of letting people down also explains why I'd rather take all the work for myself doing things alone...thinking/acting like I'm Superman or something...probably a god-complex too or something, haven't really thought about that perspective yet, maybe after a month of looking at the facts...again, drifting off topic. Back to the topic, I work alone, being the lone wolf that I am, because...if I fail, I don't want to drag anyone else down with me. I'd be able to take full responsibility for all the risks and mistakes that I had made. I know, this is something I shouldn't be doing and everything...but it's how I've been doing things...sure, it's wrong...and I guess that's the point of all of these posts, this whole blog being the venue for my self reflection.

I know...I'm not sick but I'm not well...and I'm so hot cause I'm in hell...

I wanna publish zines and rage against machines. I wanna pierce my tongue, it doesn't hurt it feels fine. The trivial sublime, I'd like to turn off time and kill my mind...

And maybe, if a proffesional or something finally sees this site or something...he'd put me in the hospital for nerves and then they had to commit me. He'd tell them all I was crazy, and they'd cut off my legs now I'm an amputee God damn you...

But, sometimes...being the last sane person in the world...does make you crazy...right?

Who am I?

This is a question that I have been asking myself for the longest time. And for the longest time, I was not able to answer this question. However, after much reflection, questioning, and a lot metaphysical unease, and using of intermediary way of thinking, I was able to probably define who I am as a person.

The journey in which I was able to answer who I am was a long and tiresome journey. But the first step in this journey was undoubtedly the hardest step to make. According to Socrates, the key to wisdom is to acknowledge that you do not know. And I finally let go of all the facades, all the “masks” so to speak and accepted that I did not know who I was. Again, according to Socrates, an unexamined life is a life not worth living. And with this, I had to examine who I was.

I am my body. But when I say this, it brings 3 different paradoxes. When I say that I am my body, I am not merely a lump of flesh walking around, I am conscious, I am aware of my being. I have subjectivity. So, to be able to fix this paradox, I can say that I have my body. However, when I say this, it signifies that my body is a possession, which is not entirely true. I cannot go and leave my body at home; I am bonded with my body. Because of this, the correct term is that I am an embodied subjectivity, an embodied cogito.

With the statement that I am an embodied subjectivity, it brings to mind my being historical. I am a historical being. Man is the only being in which history is written because he is the only one that makes history. And I have a history-making existence. And this historicity is an essential component of my life.

Historicity has 3 components. The first component is that I am, like what I had said earlier…and embodied subjectivity/cogito. I experience the world through my body, and I am also conscious of my being. I am aware. I use my body as an intermediary in my experience of the world. When I say intermediary, I mean as both as a bridge and as a barrier. When I say bridge, I mean that I experience things through my body. I use my body to feel the warmth of the sun, to smell roses, feel the softness of another person’s skin etc. however, it is also a barrier. When I say barrier, I mean that my experience is only limited to my bodily reach. I cannot experience what the Egyptian sun feels like on my back, unless I go there for myself. I cannot experience a lot of things, by just sitting here on my bed.

The second component is that I am a being-together with others. Man is intersubjective. I live together with other people. I am not an individual, I live within a society; a society where we all give and receive; a mutual relationship where we all in one way or another help each other out. This brings to mind the other. I need an other…someone to take into account my existence…take into account my whole being so that I know that I do exist. I use the other as a mirror. A mirror for me to be able to see who I am and who I am not…

And the last component of historicity is that I am a being in time. I have an experience of time. I have an understanding of the past, the present and the future. I know that the fleeting now…will soon be the past, and I know the fear of what the future may bring.

And since my being here is a representation of who I am and what I do is a representation of my being here. And because of what I do, there is meaning to my being present here. My work reflects who I am. My being here is reflected by my work. My work gives a brief reflection on who I am, by showing my work ethics, my work output and such.

And lastly…I am a being-unto-death. Death is the only thing certain in my existence. Being a historical being, a being in time, I know that my death is certain. Death is inevitable. It is the only thing certain that we know of. Everyday that we know that we are dying gives more meaning to our life and the moments that we experience. Man reaches his wholeness in death. I loose my potentiality for being. I lose my “there”. I am no longer a “being there” because I no longer exist. And with death, I can come to grips with my wholeness in advance and thereby live an authentic existence.

This is who I am…

The Philosophy of Time Travel

by Roberta Ann Sparrow

Contents

• Foreword
• The Tangent Universe
• Water and Metal
• The Artifact and the Living
• The Living Receiver
• The Manipulated Living
• The Manipulated Dead
• Dreams
• Appendices

Foreword

I would like to thank the sisters of the Saint John Chapter in Alexandria, Virginia for their support in my decision.

By the grace of God, they are:

• Sister Eleanor Lewis
• Sister Francesca Godard
• Sister Helen Davis
• Sister Catherine Arnold
• Sister Mary Lee Pond
• Sister Virginia Wessex

The intent of this short book is for it to be used as a simple and direct guide in a time a great danger.

I pray that this is merely a work of fiction.

If it is not, then I pray for you, the reader of this book.

If I am still alive when the events foretold in these pages occur, then I hope that you will find me before it is too late.

Roberta Ann Sparrow

October, 1944

The Tangent Universe

The Primary Universe is fraught with great peril. War, plague, famine and natural disaster are common. Death comes to us all.

The Fourth Dimension of Time is a stable construct, though it is not impenetrable.
Incidents when the fabric of the fourth dimension becomes corrupted are incredibly rare.
If a Tangent Universe occurs, it will be highly unstable, sustaining itself for no longer than several weeks.

Eventually it will collapse upon itself, forming a black hole within the Primary Universe capable of destroying all existence.

Water and Metal

Water and Metal are the elements of Time Travel.

Water is the barrier element for the construction of Time Portals used as gateways between Universes at the Tangent Vortex.

Metal is the transitional element for the construction of Artifact Vessels.
The Artifact and the Living

When a Tangent Universe occurs, those living nearest to the Vortex will find themselves at the epicenter of a dangerous new world.

Artifacts provide the first sign that a Tangent Universe has occured.

If an Artifact occurs, the Living will retrieve it with great interest and curiosity. Artifacts are formed from metal, such as an Arrowhead from an Ancient Mayan civilization, or a Metal Sword from Medieval Europe.

Artifacts returned to the Primary Universe are often linked to religious iconography, as their appearance on Earth seems to defy logical explanation.

Divine intervention is deemed the only logical conclusion for the appearance of the Artifact.

The Living Receiver

The Living Receiver is chosen to guide the Artifact into position for its journey back to the Primary Universe.

No one knows how or why a Receiver will be chosen.

The Living Receiver is often blessed with Fourth Dimensional Powers. These include increased strength, telekinesis, mind control, and the ability to conjure fire and water.

The Living Receiver is often tormented by terrifying dreams, visions and auditory hallucinations during his time within the Tangent Universe.

Those surrounding the Living Receiver, known as the Manipulated, will fear him and try to destroy him.

The Manipulated Living

The Manipulated Living are often the close friends and neighbours of the Living Receiver.

They are prone to irrational, bizarre, and often violent behaviour. This is the unfortunate result of their task, which is to assist the Living Receiver in returning the Artifact to the Primary Universe.

The Manipulated Living will do anything to save themselves from Oblivion.

The Manipulated Dead

The Manipulated Dead are more powerful than the Living Receiver. If a person dies within the Tangent Dimension, they are able to contact the Living Receiver through the Fourth Dimensional Construct.

The Fourth Dimensional Construct is made of Water.

The Manipulated Dead will manipulate the Living Receiver using the Fourth Dimensional Construct (see Appendices A and B).

The Manipulated Dead will often set an Ensurance Trap for the Living Receiver to ensure the Artifact is returned safely to the Primary Universe.

If the Ensurance Trap is successful, the Living Receiver is left with no choice but to use his Fourth Dimensional Powers to send the Artifact back in time into the Primary Universe before the Black Hole collapses upon itself.

Dreams

When the Manipulated awaken from their journey into the Tangent Universe, they are often haunted by the experience in their dreams.
Many of them will not remember.

Those who do remember the Journey are often overcome with profound remorse for the regretful actions buried within their Dreams, the only physical evidence buried within the Artifact itself, all that remains from the lost world.

Ancient myth tells us the Mayan Warrior killed by an Arrowhead that had fallen from a cliff, where there was no Army, no enemy to be found.

We are told of the Medieval Knight mysteriously impaled by the sword he had not yet built.
We are told that these things occur for a reason.

Appendices

Appendix A

Appendix B