Again...

You know, i've been thinking a lot about "her" again recently. i mean, i've been seeing her with this guy (whom i think that you know what). but...i rarely see her smile now. i dont know why but...i just want to see her smile again...like she used to :)

ACK! GOD! stop thinking about her!!! i'm sorry haha guess an old flame...is hard to extinguish. but, like i said before...i may have someone new :) but who knows right? i might just fuck it up...again like i did the past..many...a lot...god..im a loser.

anyhoo...here i am...hanging by a thread. fearing tomorrow even more. i lay at night unable to sleep thinking about what may happen the next day, fearing the consequences of my actions. not wanting tomorrow to arrive, fearing...worrying...

that is what i have been doing the past weeks. people have been coming up to me asking "okay ka lang?" i mean...its that bad. usually i can hide my "inner feelings". but now...i've been to tired to do so. im tired...not physically tired...but emmotionally, mentally tired.

ive gotten older the past few months...and it has been showing. at this point, i'm hopeless. i've been praying day and night...hoping, wishing for a miracle. i have been studying..however i dont know what to do at this point. will this be my last sem in ateneo? will it?