What's Wrong With Me?

Here i am...debating about things that i have no control over. Thinking about what has become of me, thinking about what im doing wrong. Thinking...why.

Is there something wrong with me? Why is it, whenever i need somthing bad, or really want something and is willing to do anything to get it, i always make the dumbest mistakes. Mistakes that you know how to avoid, yet you still make them.

Why isnt there anyone out there who can see me for who i am, and well...i dunno. Know how i feel, see the things i see, believe in the things i believe in?

Here i am again, debating about someone. Whether or not i should go on chasing, or steer clear. Different voices appear in my head. Voices that say: "Go on!" or..."Nah!". Which one should i listen to? I am at a crossroads again. Staring blankly towards the ground, thinking, reflecting, discerning what i should do next.

Coz i feel so mad, i feel so angry, feel so careless, so lost confused again. I feel so cheap so used, unfaithful. And at times like these, I wish i was brave. I wish i were stronger, wish i could feel no pain. Wish i was young, wish i was shy. I wish i was honest, I wish i was him, not i. Sometimes i wish i was smart, I wish i made cures for how people are. I wish i had power, I wish i could lead. I wish i could change the world...

I wish i was everything i wasnt. i wish i was everything i wanted to be. I wish...for a day where i can be perfect. I wish...i was a billionaire.

I am all those things, but those are the qualities that i too do not have. I know its confusing. It's basically the paradox of my existence. We are all we are, nothing more nothing less. But...when we do stop striving for perfection, we might as well be dead.

and..here's something i've been listening to lately..."Last Summer" by Lostprophets

The Friday sun bears down again
As we drive without friends
And on these longest days we spend
All the time trying to pretend
That our stories could be true
Our chance to be cool
The setting sunset says the day is through
If only we knew...
And we all sit around here in our home town
Listen to the waves as they all crash down
And watch the fire as it slowly burns away
Glowing embers fly across the sky

Here by my side, in my summer, our last summer
The world passes by in my summer, our last summer
The light makes shadows fall, surrounded by each other
Alive to watch it all, the view from our last summer
The view from our last summer...
We trace the sun across the sky

And we laugh till we cry
Always so hard to say goodbye (good bye)
And we all sit round here in our home town
It's so good like this, these are times we'll miss
The memories, I hope they'll never fade
Glowing embers lie across the sky

Here by my side, in my summer, our last summer
The world passes by in my summer, our last summer
The light makes shadows fall, surrounded by each other
Alive to watch it all, the view through our last summer
The view from our last summer...

I would stop time to stay with you
I would stop time so we don't move
I would stop time
I would stop time
I would stop time to keep you

Here by my side, in my summer, our last summer
The world passes by in my summer, our last summer
The light makes shadows fall, surrounded by each other
Alive to watch it all, the view from our last summer

...yep...our last summer.