12:05
hay naku..eto nanaman ako...hating gabi gising pa. i dont know what the hell to do. i'm bored. i have been thinking about a lot of stuff. you know like, what if i made different choices in the different problems i had. like, what if i did this earlier, what if i did this instead?...you know, like what would i be right now.

i've been thinking about a lot of stuff. like what i am afraid of. one thing i am certain i'm afraid of is heights. hahahahaha damn, tatayo lang ako sa lamesa nagkakavertigo na ako...

another thing i know i'm afraid of is being alone. i've had nightmares about this a lot. you know, i satnd in a dark place all alone. i see my friends far away, i shout at them but they dont hear me. i run up to them but the more i run towards them, the farther i get.

the last thing i know i'm afraid of is being rejected. i dont like the feeling when i know someone doesnt like me. i dont like rejetion. thats why i often prove myself. often i just make people laugh and well, thank god they think i'm pretty okay after that.

i like making people laugh, smile, pretty much make them feel good. i dont like seeing people look sad. coz well, i end up pittying them and well, i dont like pity. i cheer people up. i like it. i like making people feel good, coz well i know its cheesy but well...making people feel happy make me happy.

basically, what ive been thinking ios mainly for me to find out who i am actually. hahaha i know it's dumb. i'm 18 and i still dont know exactly who i am. i think my purpose in life right now is to solve the problem of my existence. i dont like problems that keep me up at night. i like my sleep. well, and this problem has been keeping me up for a long time now. i try and find different clues on solving it everynight. i sit down, and think. i try to see the things i did that day and try to reason why i did them in the first place.

well...thats it for now...